I've had quite a few updates in the works recently...most everything headed in an unbelievably positive direction. I don't want to sound like I am bragging, but sometimes I really can't believe my fortune. I'm not rich, but I make enough to live comfortably and with a bit of saving, I am able to get most things I want. (also due to the fact that I live with someone who takes care of some expenses, too) To me, that's incredibly lucky, as I am aware of the current financial state of most people nowadays. I have also been blessed with many amazing people in my life. Some of those people keep me going by reminding me how far I've come or encouraging me or believing in things I want to accomplish. Some of those people even go as far as helping laying out steps towards my dreams. I wish so much to do things like that for others. I want to be able to help other people's dreams come true, too.
In recent, I've been given an incredible chance to start working around what I love again. I am still in shock and can't really believe that I've already worked a whole day there and didn't make anyone upset or angry and they want to keep me ^^; Although it's almost an hour and a half away by train, I've been given an incredible start at an animal hospital. Everything is in Japanese, nobody speaks English. It certainly exposes me to the raw parts of learning, but the owner has such a wonderful disposition. Be yourself, ask questions, make suggestions, try. If you have motivation to learn something, anything, that's great and you should do it. Those were some things said to me while the first day was coming to a close. Being told my being in a band is great and I could dye my hair and wear crazy make-up to work if I wanted was something I was not expecting...haha. I know it's going to be a huge challenge, but I really want this to work. If I'm able to do this well,....I'll have accomplished another thing I came here wanting to do.
Yesterday was another practice. My thyroid has been swelling on and off, and so in the morning when I warmed up, everything felt fine. When I got to practice in the afternoon, however, I couldn't get my registers to connect again and I was more than frustrated the first hour of practice. The last set, though, went better, to my relief. After a meeting and confirming our next practice is in October ( T_T), my keyboardist and I returned to the studio. He had bought an incredibly fancy recording microphone. I think I was still so nervous about recording well that my leg tensed up and I did the whole session in an awkward pose, trying to relieve the pain and tension in my knee. This time went better, I think. Not so many re-takes, and we covered all 5 songs instead of only two. I hope the re-recordings are better. I really hope...but the fortunate part of all this is next month is wide open for editing and re-takes. I want to be amazing. I want to show skill as high as everyone else has with their recordings. I know it's different. With an instrument, you can move notes around in editing, but with a voice...there's only so much you can do. Most of it depends on the actual recording. Another things I've come to really notice is there are so many factors...The voice is so transparent. You HAVE TO have confidence ( the hardest thing for me), you have to use emotion, so you have to really feel something to make your voice sound that way. The beauty and curse of being a vocalist is...well, you can express from your experiences and memories, but you'll relive those things forever. Each time you sing that song, you have to re-live it all over again to capture the real emotion you were wanting to use (or rid of). I know this sounds like common knowledge, but applying it is a whole different story. It takes a lot of concentration and soooo much energy. While I sing, my mind if thinking of the lyrics, the technique, the feelings, the sound.... Singing is so great and wonderful, but it's also exhausting sometimes ^^;
After finishing, we wandered around a bit and found a restaurant to eat at. We had some much needed talk and again, I was re-motivated and assured of things. I have so many worries in my mind right now about where we're going. I feel my improvement is slowed when we don't practice, but being told that I have improved and I've been doing much better makes me feel more determined to do what I can here on my own until next time. At least next practice, there are many things to look forward to! Our leader will be back in the studio with us! We'll have new songs to practice! We'll have a drinking party after practice! We have to decide when and where to have our show. Probably in December. Finding a livehouse is a bit difficult...most of us want to try Osaka. I want to try Osaka, but I really want to be good this time. I have so much to work on before this show, and so little time to improve. I feel like there are many factors in this, I can't fail. I was told yesterday, "you can do it. You're even better than before. You've already done a show. I know you can do it!" I still feel like I am balancing on the edge, though. With many things...I'm on the edge of either something great or great failure. The propensity of my mind's thought pattern has kept me awake most nights because I just can't shut it off.
I've looked at some recently signed indies bands and I've come to the conclusion that usually record labels don't look at you here unless you've been around over two years. If I could just overcome the insecurities I feel around my guitarist...if only I knew what he was thinking sometimes, if only I could make him really want to stay. I feel like his decision relies on how I do. I need to be good, really good in order to win him over. This winter show is "the test," I feel. So....pressure. I feel lots of it. But I really love the thought of prospects of the future coming to life. I'm still not really sure how to think or feel right now, I think it's my mind's self-defense trying to take caution. For now, there's lots to improve and lots to reach for...I just have to really focus! Focus...>_<;
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