My life has been all about constant change in the past couple of months...maybe I could even say this about the past year. I can't seem to settle in comfortably to anything because nothing is really static. Even with my job that I assumed I'd be used to at this point has me on my toes all the time with changing and unclear expectations and tasks, but I'm starting to accept that the "oh, by the way..."s is just something eikaiwa is plagued with. Overall, I love almost everything about where I'm at. I'm still working on making it all better, making me better, but I know that I'm still growing as a person.
Well, my struggles these past couple of weeks have come from my medical problems. Unbeknownst to me, I seem to have a rare form of hypothyroid/Hashimoto's disease that very few physicians in Japan are able to treat. I get the feeling with the more reactions and turn-downs I get from medical personel who look at my data, that there are things I haven't been told. It's kind of scary for me right now, especially because I'm aware of how doctors lie and avoid the truth here sometimes. I don't want to play guessing games with my health. Well, I've been searching and running out of medicine...so things have been placed in the hands of Kenji's relatives. I know they want to help, but.... it makes me more anxious. He called one of them last night to check on progress, and apparently, my illness requires specific medical attention that creates a huge mission even for them. =_=; I never knew it would be this hard, considering before I came I tried to make sure that this disease existed here.
Well, aside from that, last week was a roller coaster of emotions. I was lucky to have some student friends invite me out to karaoke on a day we didn't have class. It was so, so much fun!!! I think we stayed for like 6 or 7 hours...not sure because time flew by for me. I loved listening to the songs they chose to sing and watching how they sang them. Some songs were group activities. I have to admit, YATTA was my favorite, with the remaining crowd up and jumping and dancing... I loved singing, and I even found my favorite song (it's not at any other karaoke places)!!! It just felt so good to be around friends and to sing and find out more about them. ^.^
Later in the week, I had another cooking class, but this time with kids. Unfortunately, there was no practice run so almost everything seemed to be done with an edge of uncertainty. I was told directions at the spur of the moment, which really got to me after awhile, especially when I looked around to see the disorganization and unevenness of everything. It went downhill, the power fluctuated and went out, rendering the electric hotplates useless...so my "giving directions in English" went out the window as everyone scrambled to try to regain progress with the gas burners and pans. We had some great participants, though, and everything smoothed over, thanks to the volunteers and teachers handling the groups of kids. I really was stressed out, though. I don't like things that aren't clarified because usually, I end up screwing up without knowing or not knowing how to try to meet expectations. Well, such is the way things have been going...so I kind of resigned myself to step back and just let whatever happen. I tried to engage with kids and "do my job," but...hopefully there is a totally different set-up next time.
After that, though, my awesome friend took me to her neighborhood for lunch with her rather...wealthy neighbor. Her neighbor was so sweet, and so was her yellow lab. Goido was his name (the dog), and he was so sweet!!! I enjoyed playing with him and getting my fill of dog love for the afternoon. Even though his leg was bothering him, he wanted to play tug of war and rough-house a bit. After that visit that included some delicious ramen and sweets, we went to her house to play with her little dogs, who decided to play king of the mountain on me and fight in my lap for attention. I realize more and more how much I need to move forward and get myself back to a place I can be with animals....dogs are my kind of people, definitely. It healed me a bit, though, and I appreciate how my new friends have took note of and understood some things I've been kind of neglecting with myself. I'm so surprised with how lucky I've been recently with friends...I feel like I've added more to my "family" and people who get me. For now, that's enough to keep me going and trying.
Next month, I hopefully get some quality time with some of my best friends. I haven't had enough time with them, even though we live in the same country! The last time I saw them was at Chronos' first show. I'm also looking forward to practice and recording next month! Things are moving forward...I've given lyrics to some band members to make new songs, our leader is trying to get us coverage in Italian music magazines (yaay!), and we're going to be making our first official mini-album for our winter show soon. For now, it's just a matter of working hard on improving, lots of thinking, and trying not to get too stressed again.
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