This week has really tried my spirit. I've been so very sad and depressed for multiple reasons...both from things happening directly to me and around me. I really have been challenged to stay positive and focus on what I love and what's going great without the weight of a heavy heart pulling my head back to Hell.
I've heard stories from some of my friends who are foreigners (mostly male) who have encountered adverse situations. I would sympathize with their stories, but I never really knew what kind of hurt can come from such kind of experience. Today, though, I was awarded that opportunity. I've had people yell things or ask me strange questions from time to time...nothing too serious, but today...today was a shock.
After getting to my home station, I started my walk home, like normal, not expecting anything. As I left the station and started towards the hill leading home, a woman whom I'd never seen approached me. She spoke to me, so I took off my earphones and smiled. I began to notice the nature of her conversation, though, when she didn't smile, but glared at me. Her words were not kind. I was confused why she was shouting at me, then pushing me....what had I done? Why was she so angry? She shouted at me in disgust, "Where are you from? You have a passport?" "Y-yes," I stammered, really wondering what this was about. She pushed me again, harder,"Where are you from?! British?" I shook my head 'no' in shock," Are you from Canada?!" She continued, more angrily. People just stared. Nobody cared to do anything other than watch. "...Why does it matter?" I replied quietly, still in disbelief.
"I know why you're here! I know your motive!"
I just shook my head, thinking," You don't know me...or why I'm here...you don't know me at all. I haven't done anything...you DON'T KNOW ME." She pushed and yelled again, people just stared. It hurt...something in my chest tightened.
"I know you're motive! Get the fuck out! Get out of here!" She took a swing at me and I took a step back. I shook my head and walked backwards, facing her until she turned around and walked away.
I'm angry now. I'm angry because it hurt. I'm angry because I don't understand how anyone could attack a stranger like that...a stranger who works hard to live here, to be here...to thrive here.
Everyday life is hard enough without people outright showing their hate. But what shocked me the most was that this woman was NOT Japanese. She looked to be Brazilian or something...a foreigner who hates foreigners.
It doesn't matter, though. I'm a person. I'm a person who tries very hard not to make anyone angry. I'm a person who follows rules and tries to help others...even when I am aware I'm being taken advantage of. I'm a person who worked very hard to get to this place and a person who hasn't taken shortcuts or handouts. It hurt because I see no catalyst and no rightful reason. I hope, though, that this experience will not make me bitter or distrusting. I hope it only helps me become more aware of what to look out for and maybe how to avoid another accosting.
Anyways...my week continues to be sad...but I'm willing to suffer and learn more..especially if everything can go right on the BIG DAY!!! ^_^
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