All Intent, but....

 I really do just not have enough patience for what I am sometimes. My mind is always on edge, my reactions are jumpy and poorly timed. I often hear something to the effect of "フライング" or... "Not yet!" I have poor patience, mostly in my eagerness to do something right for once or do something for others....I have all the intent to do well, to do the job "right," however...I find my ability falling short most of the time, for one reason or another. I try. I try all the time. I try hard, and whole-heartedly. But trying isn't good enough for most things. It's so terribly miserable being like this all the time. It hurts to the core to watch almost every task slip through my fingers. I'm clumsy and I have no common sense...I can be truly ridiculous to watch sometimes...like when I was trying to prepare dinner tonight and managed to burn my hands with miso soup when I tried to gingerly place a bowl on a tray...to avoid spilling it when attempting to carry it. I feel hopeless. I try to take preventive measures, and even those result in disasters. I try to avoid embarrassment in public by having someone else do tasks that require any kind of delicacy or grace. If only I could really...do stuff.   Most of the time, I feel like I'm losing my sanity over something, mulling over things that can't just...go right.  
   I want to really go back to what I'm "good at," instead of bringing hands of ruin to the table all the time , making chaos happen just by "touching" something. Oh, if only the thoughts in my head worked out...  Lately, it's been so hard to really like myself, to feel okay, to feel like I've been accomplishing things. Someday, I want my words to mean something and to help build a different kind of world with music...but as aforementioned, I'm not really good at anything yet. =_=;  Oh, dreams...if only I weren't stumbling and tripping after them, if only I could just run forward with my head high.